Are you ready?

Why do, I ask?

BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET CONTROVERSIAL!!!!

Or….maybe it won't, and you'll agree with me about everything, and the last sentence was just an egregious misuse of capital letters.

Who knows?

Either way, we’re about to find out.

Because for this post, I want to speak about the balance that we find in Ephesians between "Women submit to your husbands…" and "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church..."

I've seen so many couples and spouses struggle to follow through with their roles equally as it applies to the verse.

I genuinely don’t want to see your relationship suffer, and while I could get deeply theological on the matter, I feel it’s a better use of our time to make it radically simple and practical.

Men- Christ died for the church-both physically and metaphorically. So, men, that’s your standard for loving your wife. Anything less = no bueno.

Women- (Ok- I’m not a woman, so I will not even go here. Instead, I’ll ask my lovely wife Charity, who is very much a woman, to offer her perspective on this part). 

“Hi ladies! Oof, this whole 'submitting' thing sounds pretty rough, right? Some say that word brings up the same feeling as other words like subservient, belittling or even degrading. When Jeremy and I first got married, I thought "We're a team, he won't make me 'submit' to him, so that verse doesn't really matter." But the truth is we can't just ignore parts of the Bible that make us uncomfortable or that we think don't apply to us. Thankfully, although that may have been my way of thinking when we got married 18+ years ago, I've done a lot of growing since then and my feelings have changed.

 I ask myself these questions: If my husband is showing his love for me and he is giving me the time, the attention, and the respect that I deserve (and want and need), how should I feel about his leadership in our household? If he’s recognized things in his life that aren't helping him be the best Christian and husband he can be, and he is working on them - phasing them out (i.e.-'dying' to those things,) why would I doubt he has my best interests in mind? If he's seeking God's heart and consistently showing that he's putting our family first in his decision making, would I question where his heart is? 

So, how do I feel now? Daily, I am seeing him show his love and watching him make sacrifices for us. He is strong in so many ways and I'm put at ease when I'm with him. He needs me, we're still a team, but I don't have to have the burden of leading us or forging my own path. He has become the leader I desire to follow. I feel cherished and important to him (as the Church is to Christ. - see how I finally got back to the verse?)

Wouldn’t a husband, a leader, like that be worth submitting to?” 

I really appreciate my wife’s perspective because while I feel we both do a respectable job of bringing our Ephesians’ call equitably to fruition, the unfortunate reality for most couples is that, far too often, these roles aren't always embraced equally.

Either the husband isn't doing the serving but expects the submitting, or the wife isn't submitting because she feels the husband isn't serving.

So, if you find your relationship is struggling because of inequity, how does one begin to move forward? 

For me, it starts by taking two simple steps.

Step 1: I wake up every day and ask myself, "what can I do to make my wife’s life easier?"

Step 2: I repeat Step 1.

Notice I said “easier," not “perfect.”

 There are some days when I'm so busy with work that merely being employed is the only way I can make my wife's life easier because she knows the bills will be paid on time, and she deserves that type of security.

 However.

 There are other days when I'll have a client or two reschedule their coaching session(s), and rather than using that extra time to watch more hockey or look on eBay for my special interest(s), I’ll make a deliberate effort to fold the laundry, do the dishes, make her coffee, or clean up some of the messes that kids have made - whatever I can in the extra time that I have allotted to make her life easier.

I've found the more deliberate I am about loving my wife through the call in Ephesians 5:21-30, the more she responds favorably and the better our relationship is.

 So, how do you get started?

 The best way to bring Ephesians to life would be to ask ourselves equally throughout the day; How can I make my spouse’s life easier?

 That approach has worked in our ND/NT marriage for 18+ years, and I'm sure it can work in yours.

 If you'd like to connect further about what you've just read or to learn more about what we do at NeuroFam, you can reach Charity or Me at [email protected] or [email protected] .